Pop: What the hell happened? Is she still in the country? (The day after the election and she still hadn’t spoken to the public.) (Pop is laughing because we Boxill will find humor where humor can be found.) Pop: She should be someplace far and not here. Oh my God. Oh Loooord. Okay. I think what I’m going to start doing is stop reading newspapers and shit because they don’t know shit. (Yeah, right. Pop reads the newspaper EVERYDAY! As a child, I would have to often go out and get his paper. Sometimes the morning and then the evening edition of The Daily News and/or NY Post.) Pop: Aye yi yiiii. (The anguish is real when you yell “aye yi yi”.) Pop: All I’m trying to do is look at crazy movies (Probably old westerns.) and not the news. Pop: How are you? Me: I’m okay. Pop: How did the show go yesterday? (Talking about the live broadcast WPFW show I did on Election Day at Busboys and Poets.) Me: Oh it was good. I felt like I was a part of something with purpose and it served as a distraction. Pop: I missed it. I was on the streets someplace. I went to Barnes and Noble and got a couple of Walter Mosleys. He has a new detective mystery series. The detective’s name is Leonid McGill instead of Easy Rawlins. (Pop’s an avid ready and Mosley fan.) Me: Oh cool. (Pop is preparing for a trip and doing his trip errands. He probably also went to his store on Atlantic Avenue for his cashews.). Me: Okay. Pop I have a meeting about to start. Pop: Okay. Have a good day Me: You too Pop. Pop: Be safe. Me: You too Pop. Love you. Pop: Love!
Pop may have been joking, but I know he understands the seriousness of this moment. He just created a moment to be light in the midst of the nonsense. And, in that moment, hearing him laughing was a much required spirit healer and a “everything is going to be all right” moment for me.

Sure, it’s disappointing and discouraging right now. But, in the midst of the madness we all should find time to laugh. Matter of fact, giggle loudly and often. Your spirit requires and deserves it. We all deserve it. It doesn’t mean you don’t care. Just means that you’re keeping life in perspective and healing your heart that is grieving from the absence of those who do not walk with a loving and humane heart for all. Your lighthearted energy could in turn help to heal another’s grieving heart. And, they another…

With that, take time to feel, grieve, and heal. Take time to love up on you by partaking in things you love and that provide opportunity to breathe and exhale. And, love up on your family and friends who too require nurturing and encouragement. Check up on your people because many are going through it, even if someone is acting unaffected.

May God bless our country and newly elected president (pray for both often). May peace, love, harmony, courage, trust, grace, and forgiveness be unto YOU and us ALL! And, trust that with love, faith and thoughtful, creative, and courageous action we human beings will survive and thrive and come out much better as a people, community, nation, and world. We need YOU to stand in the gap in whatever way resonates with you! But, please STAND. Please LAUGH! In the meantime “Aye yi yiiiiiiiiii.” #BeDoLove #FindYourZen

True story. During this past summer I began breaking out in hives. At first I was like I better not have bed bugs or some ish I gotta call hazmat services in to handle (With those head to toe I won’t catch what you got uniforms.). The hives first started on my lower right side of my back for the first few episodes. Then moved to my right arm. Then to my right thigh. Sometimes in combinations. Then in triplets. I was like what the heck is going on. And, why is it only happening on the right side of my body. Theeeeeen it went into “not so fast grasshopper” mode and slid over to the left side on my ankle. Repeat all of that. Yeah, 🎶From the windoooow to the waaallll…🎶

Was it something I was eating? Something I was putting on my body? Mold? Well, not mold on my body. You know what I mean. Anywho, I couldn’t figure it out. Then I thought it could be stress. But, then who wants to admit that. We’d rather have to go out and buy a brand new $2,000 mattress, pillows, 1,000,000 thread count sheets, and that cute duvet set, opposed to admitting the mind ain’t right. Well, after several months it was not to be ignored and it was time to figure it out.

Well, the hives popped up this past weekend. Yesterday (Monday when the office opens), I hightailed it to my primary care doctor who immediately sent me to the allergist. At the allergist I was asked a gazillion questions, including about my sexual history, what color is my mucous, and what color are my draws. Then I had some things pushed up on my back to test me for 23 food items. “Make it not true, please make it not true!” (In my Maria from West Side Story voice.) Make it not be true that I’m allergic to Rita’s gelati, chicken wings, nachos, mimosas (that would totally ruin Sunday Funday brunch), wine, gin, fish, fried plantain, oysters, Chicago style popcorn, skrimps, truffles (the real ish I haven’t had yet that cost like $100 for a pinky size serving) or anything else that my palette enjoys.

Well, after poking my back with no results, what proceeded was the excruciating pain of sticking and scraping my arm (For real allergist. This is what you do? Stick patients with a needle and then scrap the skin off their arm. Not once. Not twice. But stuck and scraped my flesh at least eight times. I felt one scrap short of as if I was being tormented by a serial killer.). After all of that, guess what? Nothing! Nada! Zilch! Not a single thing to put a face to my itchy, red, spotted, and now ready to fight body. (“All my life…”) All that could be the culprit is stress. And, I can’t even act like that could never be it. “Me stress. Naaaahhhhh.”

Here’s to keeping it real. Folks think that because they see me boozing it down Bourbon Street that I have no worries. This past year has been extremely stressful and anxiety filled for me. Family ish. Friendship ish. Job ish. I’m turning 50 ish. Thinking of which, this premenopausal ish (That’s a whole nother level of hormone imbalance and emotional charged ish.) Black lives matter ish. Video after video of deaths right before my eyes ish. This crazy ass political landscape ish. Thinking about if some real catastrophic ish happened in this country, with my immediate family living miles and miles away and I’m here living at home alone ish. Did I say I’m turning 50 ish (premenopausal is the devil), coupled with not having a ride or die ish. Deer mating season and they are laid out on the highway ish. Slavery and how our ancestors were treated and how we continue to be treated like ish. Babies dying ish. Glaciers melting ish. Reading the ridiculousness of what people have to say on FB ish (Like for real. Who are you and where did you come from ish?). People dying all over the place ish (More weddings and less funerals please.). Loved ones sick as heck ish. I mean really sick ish. Like folks having dementia, brain surgery and cancer ish. And, I feel it ALLLLLL. The fear is real. And, in most cases I don’t know what to do or how to help. It’s a lot. And, the worst thing to do is numb out on it all. 

What I also know is, I really… No, I haven’t been taking care of myself. No exercising. No meditating. No core woosahing practices (well, I have been writing). And, to boot (Did someone say boots?), I’m at my highest weight ever. I’ve got to do better. Like a total holistic overhaul approach, which encompasses spiritual, mental, and physical wellness. Sure, I can lose weight. But, so what if my heart (still crying) and mind (still wondering) ain’t right.

Well, I plan to pay a visit to my therapist’s couch. Get some balanced eats from the grocery store and burn a bit more. Oprah and Deepak (the dynamic ooooohhhhmmmm duo) are back at it again with a 21-day meditation series on “Creating Peace from the Inside Out” that started yesterday. How appropriate is that. So I’m going to hop on that and oooooohhhhmmmm it out. And, I’ll start moving, moving it. Cause after all I do like to 🎶Move it. Move it. MOVE!🎶 Maybe, I’ll go try my body at yoga so I can work on putting my leg behind my neck (HA! Yeah right on the behind the next move.). I hear there is a nice yoga studio in DC not far from me run by a fellow Bison. 

The moral of the story is, you gotta listen to your body. It will talk to you and send messages in some form or fashion. Often the warning whispers will be to alert you to WAKE UP! However, often times we go into avoidance mode. The key is to listen to your body. Not listening in the beginning stages will only lead to serious illnesses that when it hits, it hits, resulting in it being too late to conquer. Most folks fail to realize it, but the body also sends you messages to let you know what or who is and isn’t working for you. It’s smart like that. When you fail to listen to intuition, then it has to speak another language it hopes you will heed and understand. This can be through a minor toe stump that leads to gangrene (Do people still get that?). Self-love and self-care are crucial.

The other moral of the story is, life will always present moments that can unsettle you and create fear. The key is to know how to manage the moments. Know your limits. HAVE FUN! Know YOU! Know when it’s time to protect yourself by enforcing boundaries or removing yourself from certain situations. Knowing when to shut down or limit your exposure to people, the news, or social media. HAVE FUN! Having confidence and understanding in knowing you did all you could in a given situation. Not beating yourself up when things don’t meet your or other’s expectations. STOP WITH THE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS AND TAKING EVERYTHING SO DARN SERIOUS! Knowing you are a Perfectly Imperfect Masterpiece. HAVE FUN! Be grateful for who you have and all you know and have in this moment. Attitude of GRATITUDE! And, again remedying yourself with heavy doses of self-love and self-care. Find your zen(s) in the midst of the madness. You may be required to have the courage to make some difficult decisions. 🎶Stop the love you save may be your own…🎶 Because, how in the world can you be a source of love to anyone else when you’re not firmly grounded in yourself. This time and moment is all we got. Love it. Love and take care of YOU. HAVE FUN! And, don’t boo, VOTE! Peace. And, Namaste mofo’s (inside joke or naaaaahhhh).

For real, for real 🎶It is his will that every need be supplied. You are important to me. I need you to survive…🎶 Self-love! Self-care! Spiritually! Mentally! Physically! #BeDoLove #FindYourZen #TheRebirthTo50

PS: Now I need to find out what this oozy yellow thing coming out from my… And, where is my fan. 

Hello lovelies. As I’m less than a month from my 50th birthday, I’m still faced with moments of conflicts and questions. Understanding that life is a continuous process of exploration sometimes met with hard knocks. And, having to keep in the forefront that those hard knocks don’t make me less than or define me. They are not the end all to be all. But, instead looking at them as blessings of lessons. They being opportunities to learn, grow, and be who I’ve always was to be. Trust, it sounds lovely as I write it, but it ain’t always easy to keep grace, hope, faith, trust, and love as my salvation when my life is fighting the currents of those riptide swirling gray and rocky seas. And, in the loneliness of my despair, I’m crying a cry that is seemingly coming from the deep and dark depths of a hurt, disappointed and unrealized soul where I’ve allowed my fears and unrealistic expectations to rule my life. Perhaps those moments could be a shedding of what was and what served its purpose. To the here and now in what will be new and catapult me to my next caterpillar to butterfly moment. Me having to grasp for continuous breaths of “Live Kathryn. Live!” air as I’m blessed with the gift to breathe, live, and love another day, moment and second with the enoughness of my total, perfect, and complete being.

There are moments in our lives where challenges will present themselves. Where you will question the purpose of your existence. Where things do not make sense because you may have thought or hoped “it” would be different from where you are right now.

If you find yourself at a crossroads in this moment, try not to agonize too much over it. Work on not beating yourself up about it. Trust you. Believe in you. Know that this is a process that can and will propel you to what is really true for you. You may need to release a thought. You may need to grieve a loss (i.e., loss of a job, ending of a relationship, death of a loved one) or what isn’t. Be with it. Feel it. Try not to avoid or push the feelings of anger, sadness, hurt, etc. to the abyss of made up nothingness all in the name of avoiding being vulnerable and facing the hard truths about life, others, and you. It’s best to firmly yet gently absorb yourself in the feelings now with the goal of positive self-reflection, healing, freedom and peace. Because, healing will set you free. But, through it all know and believe that you are and will always be enough. You are not the sabotaging and self-fulfilling prophesies you’ve made up for yourself out of fear of truly living and being your true beautiful, authentic, whole, gifted, and loving self.

I wish for me and you all the clarity, joy, peace and love your heart desires. I hope today’s (and beyond) experiences are those loving blessings you desire to feed your soul, spirit, and direction in life.  May you find solace in believing in your heart of hearts that it’s never too late to grab hold of and live your SOULFull purpose. God is ALWAYS speaking to and directing you. All that is required is taking time to be still and listen for the whispers. Also, forgiving, releasing the fear and expectations, and appreciating what is now. And, then move with the ease and all knowing that the unconditional love of the Universe is conspiring on your behalf. God and your gangsta angels have your back. They always have. And, you should do the same. Keep on keeping on loves. Trust! Believe! BeDoLove!  #FindYourZen #RebirthTo50 #SuperSoulSunday

What did you have for brunch? This is what it looks like when it’s brunch time and I don’t want to go out and haven’t been grocery shopping. Leftover crab cake from Busboys and Poets. A box of old faithful tried and true Jiffy Cornbread mix. Sautéed spinach (Threw in some garlic.). Homemade Cajun cream sauce with Slap Ya Mama seasoning. Only thing missing is the desired yolk drippings because I overcooked my eggs (Too lazy to try and poach them). But, still YAAAAAASSSS!

Life like the cupboard is never bare without possibilities. All you have to do is open your eyes and see the blessings and gifts right in your grasps. There is always a lemons to that delicious sweet/tart thirst quenching lemonade moment, waiting just for you to peel open and Voilà (Flexing my fancy muscles and not saying Wahlah). All you have to do is ask, trust, believe, listen, see, and act. Enjoy your Sunday lovelies. Peace! #BeDoLove #YummyliciousGoodTime #IEatToWriteAboutIt #FindYourZen #SuperSoulSundayFunday

A dear friend told me I was their “muse”. And, another told me “I am worthy and enough”. I thank them for seeing me. They don’t know it, but each time I was brought to tears, especially because this has been an extremely reflective time for me (let’s face it, I’m a Sag so I’m almost always in reflective/analytical mode).

I don’t take who I am or what I speak/write lightly. And, I am a work in progress regarding walking/being the talk. But, it’s nice to know that I have the ability to inspire for I know that is one of my main purposes on this earth. But, it’s also nice to be appreciated. It’s nice to be acknowledged. It’s nice to be GOT!!! It’s nice to have cheerleaders.

Have you told someone that you love them today? Have you told someone what they mean to you? Have you told someone they are enough? Let them know that you SEE them. They need to know that. Please take a moment to do so. Folks are going through it and you never know the heart you touch with your heart will be just what they need in that moment to know they are enough and to breathe and move forth.

And, regardless of what anyone says, we need each other to survive. BELIEVE THAT!!! Be a gift/muse today and ALWAYS!!! Be YOUR gift/muse today and ALWAYS!!! And, I love you. And, you know what? You are enough! You are enough now and forever! Amen! Say, no, scream with an all knowing from the depths of your soul “I AM ENOUGH”! Breathe! And, one more time. “I AM ENOUGH!” You truly are lovely. Now go be great. #BeDoLove #SuperSoulSunday

This morning as I was preparing for work, I was delighted when my phone rang and it was my brother Greg FaceTiming me. The cherry on top was when Greg panned to my father as they were driving through Brooklyn. This morning connection truly got me off to a great start with my spirit smiling. 

Me: (big smile) Where y’all going? Pop: I’m going to Atlantic City. Me: Greg taking you? Pop: No, your son (a senior moment slip of the tongue) is taking me to catch the bus on Livingston Street. Greg: (burst out laughing) Your son? Pop: Well, you know what I mean. Me: You going to gamble or play cards (cards meaning Bridge)? (they both burst out laughing) Pop: I decided to go on a whim. Greg: You sound like someone’s parent the way you asked him that (him laughing and mocking me). Pop: That’s why I said your son. (Pop’s clever comeback.) (we all burst out laughing) (We chit chat a little bit more as I finished getting ready and said our farewells.)

Video chatting is a beautiful thing when used for good. Grandparents get to see grandchildren. Parents get to see college coeds. Military families can connect from far and wide. Business trips and long distance relationships don’t seem so lonely and help to pass the time away. This week I was thinking to myself about using FaceTime more. It seems every time I make that declaration someone FaceTimes me. The Universe is always conspiring in my favor.

Connecting with each other in healthy ways are so important to sustaining and replenishing our spirits. And, mornings can be that perfect time to make loving and authentic connections. After all, you could be someone’s first “Morning Connection” that gives them the love and boost to get them through another second, another day. You never know who needs you first thing. Everyone has a story. Everyone is not fortunate enough to be blessed with a rising to a new day sun smile, kiss, hug, “Good morning” or “I love you. Have a great day”.

So be the beautifully unwrapped gift another my need more than anything. Right in that precious moment. Be the gift! Whether with a call, video chat, or even a text in this new age way of communicating. Hopefully, your bright energy will be infectious, and they will feed off of it and in turn be a gift to another and another and another. And, especially to themselves. Or you may be the one requiring love and connection and initiates the reaching out. There is no reason to isolate yourself and feel alone. You see how this works? This love game is so much bigger than you may think and it doesn’t require a lot to make a huge difference for yourself and others.

Let’s make it a fabulous and loving day and weekend filled with authentic “Morning Connections”. Matter of fact; make it morning, noon, and night. I love you. Oh, and “Good morning. You look amaaaaaziiing. Have a fabulous day”. Namaste!!! ONWARD!!! #BeDoLove #BeAGift #MorningPopTalk #MorningConnections

PS: I love the way by brother has Pop in the back seat, as if he’s getting luxury car service to his destination. Lol

There are moments in my life when I am abundantly blessed to truly experience something fiercely magical. Where my heart beats a syncopated song of joy while my spirit dances angelically as if on my own heavenly cloud designated just for me by God. Thankfully, they are divinely serendipitous moments that with me approaching the 5.0. are able to continue restoring my faith in love, life, and fun. And, I knowing that 🎶Fairytales can come true. It can happen to you…🎶 For we all require constant reminders that it’s never too late to give life to our SOULfull purpose and have it all. Whatever that divinely ordered “all” is for each being.

Thank you, Patricia and Renee, for being that blinging light of grace, class and elegance that’s disco twirled with heavy doses of funk and soul. When I would SEE you two out and about in the DC scene, you were those funky cool kids who oozed a fun, love connection I’d hope to one day be up close and personal to soak up. Fast forward to September 17, 2016, where I got to partake in the ultimate hangout and experience one of those fiercely magical moments.

Thank you P&R for allowing us all to experience the energy of LOVE and celebration I know the Arena Stage has never felt before as you firmly soldered your soul ties. As your performance was an in real time chapter ending experience with a sitting on the edge sequel to follow where you have already deservedly won the award. The award which is each other. And, it not being a staged set scripted with act 1, act 2… It instead being a realness and truth shown through the lens of love, integrity, fun, LIVING life, cheerleading, and being the ultimate level of the ride or dies our community (every single one of us and especially the LGBTQ) needs to see and be inspired by over and over and over again. You are our modern day supersheroes (Spell check kept attempting to change this. But, naaaahhhh I know what I’m talking about.) of love who in this and those next lifetimes, I would be blessed and honored to continue to journey with.

From start to finish the marriage celebration was pure harmonious perfection, so much so even the Chardonnay was delish. And, I don’t even like Chardonnay like that, but hey, it was free booze. However, each sip was surprisingly palate pleasing. Every.single.aspect (I’m clapping my hand with each word like we do when we want to emphasize something.) of the event created an awakening of all five senses. The beautiful people (How did I get to sit next to Kima (Sonja Sohn) during the ceremony? For a hot second I got scared looking around for Omar. Thinking, Omar’s coming.  Omar’s coming.). The venue (Who has their wedding at Arena Stage? P&R does.). The cocktails (Yo, the gin cocktail was my JOOOINT!). The decor throughout which included the thoughtful and moving love poems/writings. The table setting with the “these some fancy Negro” plates and “which one do I use” wine glasses. The foodie experience which had Sheila and I secretly plotting other’s “if one more minute passed” left alone plates. The movement induced music of DJ Lance which included a parting CD gift that breathes as if I bought it in a store (Wait! They really don’t have those type of stores anymore.) from the packaging to the selections. The complimentary valet parking (I’m sure you two would know the deal was sealed before we even entered the building with that heavy hitter move in “driving around for 15 minutes…” DC.). And, your Crème de la Crème SWAGGALICOUS (Renee had a constant cheesing look of popping collar WHAT…?!?!) infectious beautiful energies. All made for a dope free flowing Woodstock meets the District of Columbia like love fest. We were all goo goo gaa gaa that beautiful DC night, which has left a lasting imprint on our longing hearts and spirits forever more. It was as if you planned every.single.aspect (I’m clapping again.) of the occasion with each lovingly handpicked guest in mind. Thank YOU! HICCUP!!!

Since the wedding, I think often of Patricia’s profound closing love sentiments which immediately reminded me of the tissue grabbing ending scene of a favorite movie of mine, “What Dreams May Come”. So with that, I’m wishing you two goddesses one blessed, loving and spiritually guided lifetime after the next and the next and the next… And, my only advice is to remember to simply and always BeDoLove. I love YOU! Ashe  #BeDoLove  #TheRebirthTo50 # UnleashYourSOULfullPurpose  #FindYourZen

PS: And, then as I’m writing this blog, THIS high society piece appears in The Washington Post. Yeah, y’all bougie Black folk are PURE DOPENESS!!! Because, of two degrees of separation I have friends hitting me up after seeing this article and asking if this is the wedding I attended (because I can’t stop talking/bragging about it). The article spreading like wildflowers (I like that better than wildfires.) on Facebook as it appears on a friend of mine’s newsfeed whose friend is a cousin of one of the brides.

PSS: Although I am a lover of the arts I had yet to enter the Arena Stage since the new beautiful building erected. When I do decide to attend a play there (Support the Arts!) and anytime I drive by it, my first thoughts I’m sure will be of P&R and their beautiful celebration. Those feel good thoughts I don’t mind.

PSSS: When I went to look for the “What Dreams May Come” final scene on YouTube to include on this post (Yes! For the 10^th time I got full with emotion just watching those two minutes) the recommended videos appeared on the right side.  How fitting that Black Coffee’s “Rock My World” was randomly yet serendipitously one of them. And, then as I played that video the Black Coffee recommendation floodgates opened up with “We Are One“, “Someday“. And, my ultimate Black Coffee favorite, “Superman“. The Universe with its musical angels is funky and cool like that. Now, Patricia and Renee, you’re free to go off and DANCE and go crazy in LOVE!!!

🎶 When you move.  Our whole world turns.

You make me happy. I go crazy. And, you know.

You rock my world. You rock my world.

When you move.  When you dance. I go craaaazzzyyyy.🎶 –Black Coffee, “Rock My World”

Now that I think about it, in a dramatic soap operaish wedding kind of flair, I kinda wish Omar did come.

.

It’s time to truly LIVE and LOVE. It’s time to surrender by releasing the fear. It’s time to release those things, thoughts, or people that you’ve latched on to all for the purpose of being right and wrongfully secure in your present ego induced suffering state. It’s okay though. I know you’re scared. I am too. No need for guilt or shame. We are all humans living a human experience.

But, it’s never too late. You are always being guided. Trust in the ordering of your footsteps. Silence the misguided voices. Listen to and trust the whispers angelically delivered to YOU for the purpose of empowering YOU to forgiveness of self and others. And, then spring into action to ultimately BE the masterpiece you were birthed to BE. As a child of God you are deserving. Please believe it. Please breathe it. Please BE it. 

The time is now. Your time is now. My time is now. Our time is now for you are not alone. We can get there together. We can be free together. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Ashe. #BeDoLove #FindYourZen

“I am truly and humbly blessed and grateful for my life.” “I Am The Prize.” And, know and believe you are too. I am/We are deserving. So today and ALWAYS conduct yourself accordingly with confidence, grace, authenticity, a colossal sense of humor, beauty, integrity, trust, honor, forgiveness, and LOVE!!! Know YOU! Be clear, voice, and believe in your desires, hopes, dreams, and TRUTH. And, you will in turn attract to your life what you truly desire and what the Universe knows will nourish and guide you to your SOULfull purpose. Namaste! #BeDoLove #RebirthTo50 #WomenWhoColorOutsideTheLines

🎶Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you. If you’re young at heart…🎶 
PS: It’s September y’all. ALREADY! It’s going to be a lovely month and rest of the year. Enjoy your weekend. ONWARD!!!