How Hives and the Itchies Woke My Tail Up

True story. During this past summer I began breaking out in hives. At first I was like I better not have bed bugs or some ish I gotta call hazmat services in to handle (With those head to toe I won’t catch what you got uniforms.). The hives first started on my lower right side of my back for the first few episodes. Then moved to my right arm. Then to my right thigh. Sometimes in combinations. Then in triplets. I was like what the heck is going on. And, why is it only happening on the right side of my body. Theeeeeen it went into “not so fast grasshopper” mode and slid over to the left side on my ankle. Repeat all of that. Yeah, 🎶From the windoooow to the waaallll…🎶

Was it something I was eating? Something I was putting on my body? Mold? Well, not mold on my body. You know what I mean. Anywho, I couldn’t figure it out. Then I thought it could be stress. But, then who wants to admit that. We’d rather have to go out and buy a brand new $2,000 mattress, pillows, 1,000,000 thread count sheets, and that cute duvet set, opposed to admitting the mind ain’t right. Well, after several months it was not to be ignored and it was time to figure it out.

Well, the hives popped up this past weekend. Yesterday (Monday when the office opens), I hightailed it to my primary care doctor who immediately sent me to the allergist. At the allergist I was asked a gazillion questions, including about my sexual history, what color is my mucous, and what color are my draws. Then I had some things pushed up on my back to test me for 23 food items. “Make it not true, please make it not true!” (In my Maria from West Side Story voice.) Make it not be true that I’m allergic to Rita’s gelati, chicken wings, nachos, mimosas (that would totally ruin Sunday Funday brunch), wine, gin, fish, fried plantain, oysters, Chicago style popcorn, skrimps, truffles (the real ish I haven’t had yet that cost like $100 for a pinky size serving) or anything else that my palette enjoys.

Well, after poking my back with no results, what proceeded was the excruciating pain of sticking and scraping my arm (For real allergist. This is what you do? Stick patients with a needle and then scrap the skin off their arm. Not once. Not twice. But stuck and scraped my flesh at least eight times. I felt one scrap short of as if I was being tormented by a serial killer.). After all of that, guess what? Nothing! Nada! Zilch! Not a single thing to put a face to my itchy, red, spotted, and now ready to fight body. (“All my life…”) All that could be the culprit is stress. And, I can’t even act like that could never be it. “Me stress. Naaaahhhhh.”


Here’s to keeping it real. Folks think that because they see me boozing it down Bourbon Street that I have no worries. This past year has been extremely stressful and anxiety filled for me. Family ish. Friendship ish. Job ish. I’m turning 50 ish. Thinking of which, this premenopausal ish (That’s a whole nother level of hormone imbalance and emotional charged ish.) Black lives matter ish. Video after video of deaths right before my eyes ish. This crazy ass political landscape ish. Thinking about if some real catastrophic ish happened in this country, with my immediate family living miles and miles away and I’m here living at home alone ish. Did I say I’m turning 50 ish (premenopausal is the devil), coupled with not having a ride or die ish. Deer mating season and they are laid out on the highway ish. Slavery and how our ancestors were treated and how we continue to be treated like ish. Babies dying ish. Glaciers melting ish. Reading the ridiculousness of what people have to say on FB ish (Like for real. Who are you and where did you come from ish?). People dying all over the place ish (More weddings and less funerals please.). Loved ones sick as heck ish. I mean really sick ish. Like folks having dementia, brain surgery and cancer ish. And, I feel it ALLLLLL. The fear is real. And, in most cases I don’t know what to do or how to help. It’s a lot. And, the worst thing to do is numb out on it all. 

What I also know is, I really… No, I haven’t been taking care of myself. No exercising. No meditating. No core woosahing practices (well, I have been writing). And, to boot (Did someone say boots?), I’m at my highest weight ever. I’ve got to do better. Like a total holistic overhaul approach, which encompasses spiritual, mental, and physical wellness. Sure, I can lose weight. But, so what if my heart (still crying) and mind (still wondering) ain’t right.

Well, I plan to pay a visit to my therapist’s couch. Get some balanced eats from the grocery store and burn a bit more. Oprah and Deepak (the dynamic ooooohhhhmmmm duo) are back at it again with a 21-day meditation series on “Creating Peace from the Inside Out” that started yesterday. How appropriate is that. So I’m going to hop on that and oooooohhhhmmmm it out. And, I’ll start moving, moving it. Cause after all I do like to 🎶Move it. Move it. MOVE!🎶 Maybe, I’ll go try my body at yoga so I can work on putting my leg behind my neck (HA! Yeah right on the behind the next move.). I hear there is a nice yoga studio in DC not far from me run by a fellow Bison. 

The moral of the story is, you gotta listen to your body. It will talk to you and send messages in some form or fashion. Often the warning whispers will be to alert you to WAKE UP! However, often times we go into avoidance mode. The key is to listen to your body. Not listening in the beginning stages will only lead to serious illnesses that when it hits, it hits, resulting in it being too late to conquer. Most folks fail to realize it, but the body also sends you messages to let you know what or who is and isn’t working for you. It’s smart like that. When you fail to listen to intuition, then it has to speak another language it hopes you will heed and understand. This can be through a minor toe stump that leads to gangrene (Do people still get that?). Self-love and self-care are crucial.

The other moral of the story is, life will always present moments that can unsettle you and create fear. The key is to know how to manage the moments. Know your limits. HAVE FUN! Know YOU! Know when it’s time to protect yourself by enforcing boundaries or removing yourself from certain situations. Knowing when to shut down or limit your exposure to people, the news, or social media. HAVE FUN! Having confidence and understanding in knowing you did all you could in a given situation. Not beating yourself up when things don’t meet your or other’s expectations. STOP WITH THE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS AND TAKING EVERYTHING SO DARN SERIOUS! Knowing you are a Perfectly Imperfect Masterpiece. HAVE FUN! Be grateful for who you have and all you know and have in this moment. Attitude of GRATITUDE! And, again remedying yourself with heavy doses of self-love and self-care. Find your zen(s) in the midst of the madness. You may be required to have the courage to make some difficult decisions. 🎶Stop the love you save may be your own…🎶 Because, how in the world can you be a source of love to anyone else when you’re not firmly grounded in yourself. This time and moment is all we got. Love it. Love and take care of YOU. HAVE FUN! And, don’t boo, VOTE! Peace. And, Namaste mofo’s (inside joke or naaaaahhhh).

For real, for real 🎶It is his will that every need be supplied. You are important to me. I need you to survive…🎶 Self-love! Self-care! Spiritually! Mentally! Physically! #BeDoLove #FindYourZen #TheRebirthTo50

PS: Now I need to find out what this oozy yellow thing coming out from my… And, where is my fan. 

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